Anonymous Insiders wants itself to be a place where the members of the Collective can express themselves freely and share more than their technical skills. This is the spirit which animates this unusual editorial choice to publish a poem for an outfit mostly dedicated to report news. Enjoy 
Boy, I sit here all day and alone and wonder if its my fault,
My own self-disgusting attitude that forces me to repress.
Maybe it’s not me but the God I been praying to,
Maybe it is me and my doubtful thoughts that keeps this bottle close.
Why am I here, this is a necessity to know for a fact,
Will it all be worth it when its over?
I’m not sure I am ready yet to walk through this flame,
Maybe I can deal but if I can’t I fear the worst for us.
I feel broken, my heart is heavy now from the words we shared.
I lost my last lover to my best friend, I wanted to attack
Every last bit of them both but I know it wouldn’t help me cope.
I knew it would be best to simply drink away the sorrows at the time.
Tell me it’s gonna be easier, tell me it’s okay now.
Tell me about God, tell me everything you know.
Tell me my search will come to a close and everyone will find what
They seek when they look in the mirror at their scars,
Be they emotional or physical or psychological but..
I know none of it matters now, supposedly..
When will I find what I am looking for, I haven’t got the slightest
Nor the faintest idea of this truth I been looking for or “fate”.
Furthermore, what is fate, just a simply way to say that through all of it,
You find what sat in front of you the whole time?
But you never saw it before; if it weren’t for her you would have never
Even found it at all.
I thank God every day, though I am devoid of faith, I know because of her,
I know because of her.
I take a minute to breathe but know it won’t ever be enough,
But it’s all I know how to give.
The truth is I was not ever there for you when you and him were together.
And he never even told you you were beautiful under a sunset composed seemingly for you
What the fuck, have I ever been there for any of the women I been with?
Maybe that’s not my fault but if it is I deserve this chaos.
I deserve this sense of a lack of control, maybe it is long overdue.
I feel my heart shift.
I feel this heavy burden weighing deep into my core,
I feel her hair as I comb through it with my fingers,
Wond’ring will I ever know what peace truly is;
Will I find it in you; maybe if I do then I can finally sleep;
My thoughts are oceans keeping my conscience under currents.
By Anonymous
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